


This Isn't What I Expected

by spiritofsky



Series: This Isn't What I Wanted To Write In Life [2]
Category: Count Duckula, Danger Mouse (TV)
Genre: Gen, Penfold shouldn't be subjected to this, The hell au continues, hes too soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 21:31:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritofsky/pseuds/spiritofsky
Summary: Danger Mouse and Penfold break into Castle Duckula. Sadly they run into Igor.





	This Isn't What I Expected

**Author's Note:**

> 'write dm breaking into th castle and being like "what the fuck oh my god"'

"Are you sure this is a good idea chief?" Penfold asked. "I know Duckula is a kind of rubbish villain but his castle's still creepy."

"Aw calm down Penfold, you've seen it in the light. It's just the dark making it seem all weird."

"Yeah but I still don't lik-"

Something creaked. A floorboard maybe.

Penfold screamed, grabbing onto Danger Mouse's arm for dear life. He sighed and shook his arm. Penfold wouldn't let go.

"Are we really doing this?"

"Yes. I'm staying here until we leave. It's awful and scary and I really don't like the sound of those noises."

"Oh, I am very, very glad you find the castle frightening sir. It's nice to know we manage to live up to our ghastly reputation. Or rather, un-live up in the Count's case."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" 

Igor blinked. "Are you quite finished?"

"Uhh..." Penfold stopped screaming to wonder. "No I don't think I am actually. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Now that that's over with, who are you?" Danger Mouse asked, trying once again to dislodge Penfold from his arm. He could feel his little hamster claws digging into his skin.

"Oh. My name is Igor, I've been the Count's butler for centuries. Around seven and a half, to be more precise."

"Gosh you're old." Danger Mouse said. Penfold nudged him. "What? I'm just saying. He's like eight hundred or something. Anyway- You're Duckula's butler then?"

"Yes, that's what I just said."

"Huh. Didn't think he would've had one. I never really thought he was a real count actually. Just that he said he was and lived in some abandoned castle."

"Oh, of course not. The Duckula family has owned this castle for generations, fro-"

"IGOR?" Duckula yelled from somewhere deep in the castle. Igor sighed.

"Yes M'lord?"

"YOU FORGOT TO CLEAN UP LAST NIGHT! THERE'S BLOOD ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR! I COULD TRIP OR SOMETHING!"

Igor grumbled. "Shouldn't Nanny have cleaned it up?"

"I THINK SHE WAS TOO BUSY CLEANING UP THE RUBBLE FROM WHEN SHE WALKED INTO THE LIVING ROOM, I- WHOA!" There was a crash. Presumably from Duckula slipping in the blood. Igor sighed and looked back to Danger Mouse and Penfold.

"As I was saying-" 

"What does he mean, blood all over the kitchen?" Danger Mouse asked, seemingly oblivious.

Igor blinked. "Vampires. The Duckula family are vampires. The count is a vampire. Surely you've gotten this by now."

"Ahh... Okay then."

Penfold yelled. "WHAT? What do you mean chief! They've basically just confessed to murder!"

"Well I mean, we haven't seen it now have we-"

Igor ignored their little couple's spat. He was busy with his fifth re-read of Homestuck, after all.

Suddenly, Danger Mouse was quiet behind him. "Quiet Penfold- Is- Is that..? What on Earth."

"What's wrong chief?"

"Igarth, E-door, whatever your name is, is that? Are you reading Homestuck?"

"Oh why yes! This is my fifth re-read. Kanaya is my favourite."

"Oh my God." Danger Mouse looked like he wanted to die.

"Uhhh... What's Homestuck?"

"Oh Penfold. Penfold you sweet, sweet summer child, never find out."

"IGOR!" Duckula shouted again, bursting through the door, his heels clicking on the stone tile. "IGOR I CALLED YOU I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! LOOK AT ME!" His side has covered in blood where he fell, his hair messed up with blood stuck in it. "IGOR THIS SUIT IS GOING TO BE RUINED AND IT TAKES FAR TOO LONG TO GET BLOOD OUT OF MY HAIR AND FEATHERS AND I HATE THIII _IIIIIIIIT'S NIce to see you here Danger Mouse, how are you? Admiring my beautiful castle?"_

"We were, just leaving, actually. Bye."

"Why? Oh Igor. _Igor, Igor, Igor._ Were you talking about Homestuck again because I swear-"

"Well-"

"You have ruined the impression of our castle! Our _home_ Igor! Next thing you know he expects paintings of the characters or something! First you annoy me with your constant talk of it, then you trick me into looking like one of the character's, and now you're ruining my reputation? Honestly Igor I cannot-"

Danger Mouse pried Penfold off of his arm, tucked him under it and ran out of the castle.

"Really cheif, what's Homestuck?"


End file.
